I'm resisting!

Two realizations I have had today. One, is I am afraid to guess what my life will be in 20 years? I think I am afraid that nothing will change, and I will have had no new experiences. I have asked my sister to tell me what she thinks, as others can often see it without censoring the bits I would avoid writing for myself. I should work out what I don't want in 20 years so I can work to create what I do. If I don't have a destination in mind, then I can't map the journey. The other is that most of the things I am most proud of about myself, are the parts my husband doesn't like. As I have said before I completely relate to my profile as an analytical type. I value careful thought, and analysis. I am proud of my intelligence. I like that I am not in peoples face. I like that I am solitary. I am what I want to be. I mostly like what I am. What frustrates him most about me( I think) is that I have to think, and analyze everything before I do it. That I have rules and ways of doing things. He thinks I should just go out and live. Now I can see this as a recurring thread in our disagreements. Also the more stuck I get, the more I recede into my stereotyped profile. In the early phase of our relationship, neither of us would have relied on our tactics to protect ourselves as much. I probably came across as more outgoing. He used to sit quietly in the background. He read a book I gave him, and I used to write him letters and he would write letters back. We listened to his music, mostly the chick bands I guess he thought I would like too. I think I believed he was thoughtful like me. I actually think that he relates more to my father than I had at first believed. Maybe couples have to be different to compliment each other. Two analyticals would probably never get anything done, while we weighed up the consequences. We would probably end up hermits. I wish I could do a survey on old happy couples, and find out if they were couples with similar styles or clashing. There is the theory around that says the things you love about someone in the early days are the things that will drive you crazy later. Maybe you're drawn to someone who has traits you feel you don't possess then you realize later that "you are who you want to be" and you don't like those traits after all? It might be part of the learning process? The shadow way, would be to see that "I am that", and therefore take the emotional charge out of my reaction. I resist that idea, so that must be the one.