Reading the relationships chapter in a book called f*cked. She talks about open relationships and a perspective I haven't heard made me think.
She says no-one wants their partner to go off and be with someone else, but we accept this if we want the same opportunity for ourselves.
She ends the chapter by saying she is in fact, enough.
I'm pretty sure now I think about it, that we both considered an open relationship because we each believed we weren't enough.
I knew he didn't want to be locked in but he was still attracted to me. That made sense because logically I don't think monogamy is natural. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of him being with someone else but I really was OK with it....because I didn't think I could be enough.
Then everytime I'd check in and he'd say "I don't need that", I was hopeful.  I don't need that. I just don't really want to share my time with someone else. And I was hopeful, because it made me think maybe I was enough.
And now I'm feeling again that I'm not.