I asked for reading/listening that showed me long term romantic relationships were possible, and mutually beneficial. I do think people need people and we grow by being pushed by others if we problem solve and persist through challenges to find a better outcome. Being challenged and failing to grow can result in learning helplessness, so struggle isn't always good. What I've realised is that I'm still working within the story that to be successful a relationship has to last forever. They have to not leave me.
Is that true?
Practicing non-attachment would mean learning to accept whatever outcome instead of resisting, perhaps holding on to something that isn't working.
Am I trying to push us to be an exclusive long term relationship when that is not the goal for him? Was not the goal for us?
Logically I want to say we should be best friends, that doesn't exclude us from friendships with others, and doesn't require us to move into conventional partnership to the exclusion of others, but doesn't exclude a sexual relationship either.
Part of me loved the idea that I could be in the type of relationship where someone was there to support me and be there for me through whatever the rest of my life would throw at me.  Us against the world, like I felt Daren and I were way back when we first married. Well look how that worked out...
Would I be content with me and my best friends out there in the world? Happy for them with their lives and loves going on without me? Shouldn't I be?
Part of removing myself from the confines of the "couple" would be untangling myself from those expectations and looking in other people for experiences and companionship.
All the options have uncertainty and insecurity I guess to the extent that I allow my self worth to be attached to how much someone else wants me and values me.
I can never control how others feel or think or behave. Only my reaction to it.
I choose to try and be present and acknowledge now is OK.