Purging the worry

I haven't felt like writing lately. In fact I usually turn on the computer, and look at my facebook and blogger dashboard, before playing a game of spider solitaire and wasting time. Even as I play, I am aware that I am wasting time, but feel like I need to just win one game before I leave. Lucky I don't gamble. I had a particularly bad morning today, and thought I don't want to whinge on my blog all the time. But I guess this for me is my outlet to get rid of all the stuff I worry about at night, and I didn't sleep well at all last night.
I have anxiety about whether I am cut out for this new job I have taken on. I try hard and have great ideas, but sometimes the actual implementing of the theory, is a lot of hard work. I can deal with tantrums, and biting, and screaming, no worries, I just don't give in to that sort of stuff. I think this is what people think will be the hard bit with working with autistic kids. No for me it is the clowning around, being up, and exciting. Being extroverted, I guess. And I take all criticism personally. With the new service provider I am working with, I will be participating in "clinic" every fortnight with the whole team. This is with the child I find hardest to motivate. I am worried that the pressure of performing every two weeks and being expressive enough, is going to suck all the enjoyment out of this job. I think I have mentioned before that I have always quit things in the past when I comes time for assessment. Now I have a job that involves constant reassessment. What if my weakness in this area is too big to overcome.
This mornings clincher, was the grandmother of one of the kids I work with coming in, to tell me that the lack of speech she hears from A is a huge concern for her, and that his time is being wasted if he is not communicating during his time with me. I had been instructed not to continue taking data for his language program, that we were reinforcing words that would not make sense to other people. When I ask him to give me the spoon, I don't also require him to say the word before he gets rewarded, as he misses the initial consonant more often than not. So he stays quiet but gives me the spoon as required. Granny would like me to get him to talk while he works. I will leave that one for Nina to advise me.
A new problem is that Nina wants me to attend a 4 hour training session, that once again coincides with C's program on Friday. His mother would be pissed! Oh well, I am off to work with C this afternoon. Maybe if I really suck they will all fire me, and then I won't have to worry about this program anymore.....yep, that's negativity breeding. I think some chocolate is in order before I go. Have they come up with a pill yet that stops people worrying?