Something bigger than me?

I guess this is about the realm of possibility. Religion and Spirituality mean different things to me. Religion being the narrower view of a group that thinks they have all the answers, and spirituality acknowledging the idea that something else exists beyond our known tangible world. Even spirituality though, comes with too many preconceived notions of the word, for my liking. As I mentioned in my previous post, I try to evaluate my beliefs by personal experience, as well as external information. I think most of the literature out there, bibles included, are someones perspective and attempt to verbalize something there are no real words for. So each one says it a little differently and each ones followers believe their "Guru" was the only one to get it right. I think there is a unifying thread of truth within almost of the religions I investigate. I really wish people could study more about the different religions to see how much they have in common, instead of being shown the divisive behavior of a few extremists. My personal experience of something bigger than me, was mostly when I lived with my brother and his girlfriend in a Paddington house. We experimented with dowsing and drawing, trying to communicate with spirits or guides. We used a piece of pastel held loosely in our fingertips and allowed our hands to be moved in pictures or towards a yes or no answer. I first thought that Kerry guided the pastel, but was convinced otherwise when an "entity" Gloria asked as to show her how to write her name. I wrote it in running writing. After tracing over the word, "she" would write backwards from then end of the a to the beginning of the g in exactly my handwriting and fast. I don't believe either Kerry or I could intentionally repeat the experience. Another incident was when we asked Kerry's guide to tell a joke. I thought "Paul" and that's what it wrote, but I could feel that my hand was being pulled not that I was controlling it. At times during the drawings I barely had more than fingertip on the pastel. What we learned out of that was that the thoughts in our head don't all come from our brain. Some are inspired from outside our head. Intuition, ideas, knowing, may be messages from something else. The other possibility could be that our brain and bodies are capable of infinitely more than science has conventionally allowed. maybe Kerry was just reading my mind, or kinesthetically moving the pastel, and writing with a higher intelligence that we believe we have access too. Our brains may be capable of tapping into a greater source of energy and information than direct input through our senses. I think that is equally as fascinating. In medical trials, allowance is made for the placebo effect. I wonder what study if any has been done to find out why this works for some. Can you make yourself sick by believing it? And then also cure yourself the same way. Science seems to both refute and support this, when they dismiss alternative medicine as unprovable, but use placebo effect in their research to do so. I definitely believe one or the other to be true, but can see no way of proving which one. Both give me a feeling of connectedness with the rest of the world. That I exist outside of the physical constraints of my body. Either one could explain psychic phenomena, intuition, past life memories, but there is something out there we can tap into. When I find someone to speak to about some of these ideas I get a rush like I mentioned when I was talking about the researcher job. It seems to be when I am happiest. However my varying beliefs haven't found me a community to be a part of, and if I did, I would probably be quite skeptical of them. I have never gone to see a psychic, but I have a client who gives me insights from time to time while doing her hair. While I must admit I was doubtful at first, she is inevitably correct, and in time these things come to pass. My husband doesn't analyze the whole thing like I do. He says psychics are only telling you what you want to hear. She often tells me things I don't want to hear, or completely don't believe could be true, and even if she was just getting things out of my head, I think that's amazing too! He has conflicting ideas about this stuff though, as he is intuitive himself, believes in soul mates, and used to get psychic advice from a friend. He thinks anyone who accepts money for the advice is a fraud, when I believe they are being paid for the time they spend in service. But does this mean he thinks that people who don't take money are genuine? I don't know, because he doesn't like to talk about it! It seems the more interest I find in this stuff the more rubbish he thinks it is. "That stuff works for people like you, because you believe in it." he tells me. Implying that people like me, is different to people like him. We are at different ends of the spectrum on this. I believe that within this knowledge is information that could improve our lives, and that it is worth devoting time and energy to. That is not a life he is interested in leading. I guess I shall have to look for like-mindedness outside my marriage. I find having faith in something bigger than myself very calming, and am less in fear of how things end up. Somehow , some part of what I am, will be here after my body passes, even if there is no I to be conscious of it, so I can be less attached to outcomes. I guess I shall have to look for like-mindedness outside my marriage. My children seem interested in all this, as I remember being as a child. Hopefully I can instill them with the same sense of calm even if their beliefs vary, and lead them to discover for themselves the meaning of it all.