My life purpose

I have been reading a lot about finding my true purpose in life, and also trying to pay attention to any synchronicity in my life. I thought finding out what skills and natural tendencies I have would be a start.

I grew up reading, mostly fiction. This is primarily how I find out about the universe. Probably more than I do by living. I still have an incredible appetite to find out about things. If I had to describe a character of myself,it would have to include something about "I Know". Apparently Aquarians have this as a trait. Knowing the answer to things is very important to me, so I seek. Around the salon, I am often the person to go to for an answer to some random question, and they usually get a longer answer than they bargained for. I set little projects for my self, like finding out why air moves, or reading about ecology or finding out how hackers do what they do. I don't feel the need to be an expert on any of these things. I just want to know enough to make an educated decision about anything. I have to know "Why?". The most recurring topic is anything based on Spirituality. Being raised an Anglican and going to Sunday School did not explain things very clearly and it didn't make sense to say any other religion was wrong unless I found out for myself. Being somewhat cautious on the social front, I found researching these topics through the library the easiest way. Nowadays that is replaced with the internet. I don't think I am a naturally creative person. Though it can seem like that to some. I recreate things, but most of what I do is a response to a request, or an imitation. So I can find out and recreate things if given a question or a brief. I am calm, in most situations, but not very good at confrontations, when I do get panicky. Apparently I make other people calm, but I don't think of myself as sociable. Retaining information and making logical connections comes easily, so I always did well at school especially with assignments. Exams scared me more. I have quit a few things in my life due to the threat of exams. I think I am intelligent, book smarts. I'm ok with numbers but no genius. I am well spoken, public speaking still makes me nervous.

So that's my skill set. That never added up to any particular career for me. I did 6 months of a Bachelor of Education, primary school teaching, but gave that up. Worked as a waitress, studied Nutrition but never sat the exams. Started an apprenticeship as a hairdresser, which I have stuck with until this day. I see a haircut as a problem solving experience, see the flaws and correct them. I have systems and rules and a very analytical approach. This seems to work well and I am in the top of my field. I avoided competition work, probably too scary, and didn't seem relevant to the work in the salon. Most people who knew me at school are surprised to find out I am a hairdresser, and frankly so am I. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. A great client can make my day, and there's a regular sense of satisfaction in a job well done. My recent issue with this job is relevance. That is, how important is a good haircut in the scheme of things? I make people happy, temporarily, but am I reinforcing their focus on physical self image? If there is a crisis in the world, who will care about a haircut? What value am I giving to the universe?

The next issue to consider is what are my values? What do I think is relevant? I think uplifting other people is important, helping them reach their full potential and avoid unnecessary heartache. I think we need to live lightly on the earth, or at least be conscious of our contribution. We have access to the information to make informed choices and not be ignorant of how we harm the environment. I would like to feel that my work did not oppose any of these things and ideally would support them.

My obligations are to feed and shelter my two children and my husband. Good food on the table, enrich their lives. Emotional support, and spiritual guidance, for the kids anyway. Thinking about my ability to provide these things, tends to make me reluctant to risk anything. No risk, no gain though. I am beginning to see that my idea of security has a few flaws that I could play around with. My current income is reliant on physical work. If I can't cut I lose my income. I need to find a way to build on more than my own time to make money. I don't want to settle for less if a life more fulfilling is out there. I have noticed that I worry more about my family having to do with less, and my effect on them. They rely on me I guess.

Is there a career counsellor out there with the answer for me? I had no ideas at all until a client suggested I had missed my calling as a researcher. A researcher apparently does all the things I do in my spare time. Finds a topic(or is given one), compiles all the available information through internet and archives, then summarizes it and streamlines it to make it suitable for the brief in question. I am most thrilled and passionate when I am explaining a theory, or educating someone on a new topic. So I was excited when I heard this was an actual job! There has been a little race in my heart ever since. Surely that means I am on the right path? What sacrifices would I have to make, and what for my family? Could we make this work? If I could be responsible for providing accurate and complete information to build awareness in the world, help to prevent misinformation, and ignorance, this would be in alignment with my values and I think my skills. Also perhaps there is room to use the research articles as a storage of information to retrieve later as a leverage of my time, therefore building on my income. I need to look into it more, but I am optimistic. Now I need to remember to look for opportunities and coincidences and take action. I also was told to not wait for the right conditions to do the things I want, but find a way to do them now. So maybe this blog can be a way for me to begin researching and spreading information NOW.